I had recently read an article via The Classy Fella Blog back in the beginning of June about being a gentleman and the qualities one should possess and exhibit. It challenged me to be more of a gentleman and to share what I'm learning. I then proceeded to expand upon what I had read and post thirteen different “How to Be a Gentleman” tips on my Facebook page for about two weeks. I have collected them all together and done some editing to come up with my own list of 13 Ways to Live Life as a Gentleman for all of us men to remember, especially myself. This list isn’t meant to make me look good, but rather show what God has been teaching me and what I have been learning about; all of which us men need to strive to live out each and every day.
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE - This one should be a given. It is hard
to respect an adult (or anyone) when their vocabulary is full of foul language;
especially in the presence of ladies and children. My father always told me that someone who
consistently swears is someone who isn't intelligent enough to use a broader
vocabulary; and that isn't someone I should strive to be... maybe we shouldn't
let that soap in the mouth thing go to waste.
HAVE INTEGRITY - A gentleman can always be trusted. You should never see a gentleman purposely let
someone down; be someone others can count on. Honor your commitments and show others that
your word and promises are valuable. A
gentleman is a man of high moral and ethical standards and fights to protect
them. Deceit should not be something in a
gentleman’s life’s vocabulary.
HAVE CONFIDENCE - A gentleman is a
confident person. This can be hard these
days when men are constantly bombarded that confidence is found in lots of
money, cool cars, having all the latest gadgets, or the best suits. Reality
check; those are all lies and just "good" advertising. A true gentleman realizes he is valuable
regardless of how much cash or stuff he
possess. He stands and sits straight and
speaks clearly because he knows that confidence is not bought, it is learned
and exhibited.
BE CONSIDERATE - A gentleman doesn't
regard himself as better than anyone else and realizes that others are just as
valuable as he is. A gentleman won't cut
in line but will instead gladly allow someone, especially mothers or the
elderly, to go ahead of him when they have fewer items than he does. A gentleman opens doors and has no problem
saying a friendly “hello” while he does. A gentleman is quick to help and willingly
sacrifices for the good of others. He
doesn't expect others to only consider him but rather first chooses to consider
others before himself.
RESPECT WOMEN - This is one of the most important
qualities to being a true gentleman, or even a man in general. An "adult boy" treats women like he
did girls on the playground; teasing them and moving from one to the other. That is the sign of a boy who never matured. A real man cannot be a gentleman unless he
strives to treat his lady with the same care he would of pure gold. A gentleman will open doors for a lady. A gentleman will walk on the outside of the
sidewalk when with a lady. A gentleman
will offer his coat when a lady is cold and he will also put it on her. A gentleman loves only one woman and is NEVER
a “player”; they are a one-woman man. The
mark of a true man is not found in "loving" 50 women for a night,
it's having the strength, skill, and desire to love only one woman for 50 years
of nights. That takes courage and talent
that many men seem to lack these days. So
sit yourself down boys and get educated because it's time for a manhood
revolution. It's time to stop adding
notches to your belts and for you to cherish and protect a woman's purity. It's
time to honor her and love her for her heart, soul, and mind; not just her
physical beauty. Fellas, it's time we
Man Up!
COMMUNICATES WELL - A gentleman will be someone who speaks
boldly for what is right but in a manner that is kind and gentle. He understands the wisdom of being slow to
speak and quick to listen; though isn't afraid to share his heart with others
when appropriate to do so. He speaks
genuine words of love, encouragement, affirmation, truth, and honesty. He aims to build others up rather than tear
them down. He strives to think before he
speaks; controlling his emotions to prevent hurtful words coming from his
mouth. In these ways, a gentleman's
words are usually more respected because when he speaks he tries to have
something valuable to say.
"DAPPER DOWN" - A gentleman cares about his
appearance. Not because of vanity but
out of respect for others and himself. A
gentleman knows he is a man of value and he aims to show that in all areas of
his life. He takes care of himself
because he knows that when he is in good shape he can better take care of
others. He is sure to brush his teeth,
comb his hair, exercise, and eat right. He
pulls up his pants because a gentleman doesn’t have swag; he has class. A gentleman doesn't have to break the bank to
look good. He knows that money is better
spent elsewhere than solely on himself. He
gives back and aims to buy products from companies that do the same. A gentleman isn't narcissistic or prideful
when being dapper, but he is confident and humble.
BE A LIFELONG LEARNER - The title says it all: a gentleman
doesn’t stop learning; ever. It doesn't
matter if he has a GED, high school diploma, bachelor’s degree, master’s
degree, or PhD. A gentleman isn't bound
by society’s definition of education; he learns wherever and whenever he can,
and can never know enough. He aims to
soak in growth, maturity, wisdom, and knowledge like a sponge. He strives to study and learn more about all
the things in his life; his faith, his wife, his family, his friends, his
career, his interests, the interests of his loved ones, etc. A gentleman learns throughout life not only
for his own personal benefit but to the benefit of others. A gentleman doesn't rest on arrogance or
ignorance. He is a teacher and a
student; realizing he can learn from anyone, even a child. It doesn't matter if he is 25 or 95, a
gentleman stays humble throughout his whole life; understanding he will never
know everything but finds joy in the adventures of learning.
BE WISE - A great benefit to being a
lifelong learner is that you should be growing in wisdom and a gentleman
strives to be full of wisdom. A
gentleman should listen attentively and lovingly offer great advice. A gentleman strives to wear wisdom daily, like
a crown upon his head; realizing the significance and importance of it. A gentleman isn't perfect and makes mistakes like all of us, but he seeks to understand
why to try and prevent them from happening again. He freely shares the wisdom's of his life to
all that seek it and doesn't fear the advice of others. Being wise doesn't just mean giving good advice;
it also means to be able to receive it. A
gentleman listens, learns, and is humble at heart. He embraces the correction, discipline, and
instruction of others. He cherishes experience,
knowledge, and insight. A wise man, a
gentleman, is sincere, genuine, merciful, compassionate, considerate, controls
his temper, and strives for peace.
BE A GREAT HUSBAND - A gentleman
understands the value of having the lifelong love of one woman's heart. He wooed her with his chivalrous and
respectable ways while dating but doesn't stop once they've gotten married. A gentleman continues to woo his woman after
she becomes his wife. A gentleman honors
the vows said at his wedding; knowing that "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health,
to love and to cherish 'till death do us part" aren't just some cheesy
romantic words; they are a meaningful and UNBREAKABLE promise. A gentleman doesn't quit his marriage; no,
that would be too easy. A gentleman
boldly takes the challenge to love his wife unconditionally. When it's hard to love his wife, he loves her
even more. A gentleman knows that his
wife's greatest need is his tender love. He doesn't demand respect, he earns it each
day. A gentleman works hard for his
wife; he sacrifices for her, he listens to her, he shares with her, he honors
her, he praises her, he cherishes her, he takes care of her, and above all, he
stands firm in the commitment they made when their love seemed to be at its
peak; knowing that the joys of love don't end when the joy of loving doesn't
end. Like anything worth achieving, a
gentleman knows that the sweetest victories come from the hardest battles. Marriage may be a tough battle to
"win" sometimes, but it holds the deepest pleasures and most
rewarding triumphs.
BE A GREAT FATHER - A gentleman
stays a gentleman all his life, even after he has kids. A gentleman continues to live out all of his
great chivalrous qualities so that his children may learn from him. He is loving with his children, understanding
that love is our greatest need as people, no matter what age. He is patient, gentle, and calm with them. He cherishes them, knowing they are a gift, and reveres his time with them. He allows his kids the freedom to be
individuals but isn't afraid to firmly discipline them to protect them and
teach them. A gentleman father teaches
by word and by action. He is active with
his kids; whether it's with their school work, during their play time, in their
individual hobbies and interests, in their disciplining, or even during their
bedtime routine. A gentleman father is
there for his wife and kids. He spends
time with his family and realizes that the real treasures in his life aren't
earned at the office or bought at the store; they are found at home. One of the most important truths to being a
great father and gentleman is to love their mother well; showing your children
what a loving team and lifelong friendship should look like. A gentleman understands that there are WAY too
many fatherless homes and therefore takes the challenge to refrain from making
love to a woman unless he is prepared to be a father. He respects the woman, the possible future
child, and himself enough to understand that great power comes with great
responsibility.
SERVE OTHERS - Mahatma Gandhi once
said that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the
service of others". There is
something really great about serving others rather than yourself. The humility and generosity of offering your
services to someone rather than yourself, always grants the greater rewards and
deeper joys. A gentleman knows that his life isn’t about himself. He understands that improving the lives of
others around him is what truly holds value. He strives to be a lifelong learner and obtains
knowledge and skills for the main purpose of sharing it with and helping
others. He doesn't horde things for
himself. What purpose would that have
anyways? No one wants all that life can
offer but not enjoy it with others. A
gentleman gives just for the sake of giving; and he gives gladly. He relishes the opportunities in life to bless
others with his talents, time, knowledge, and money. A gentleman is a man of humble integrity so he
doesn't require a "parade" for each of his good acts. Gratitude and thankfulness are his rewards,
and even if those are scarce, doing a good deed is reward enough. A gentleman can be anybody, and he knows that
he can serve no matter his circumstances in life. Martin Luther King Jr. so eloquently describes
what is necessary; "Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to
serve. You don't have to make your
subject and verb agree to serve... You only need a heart full of grace. A soul
generated by love." That's the core
of every gentleman; a heart filled up with grace and a soul that is powered by
love.
LOVE JESUS - This is the "last" but MOST important
advice to becoming a gentleman. Jesus is
the ultimate gentleman. He lived a
perfect life in complete submission to the perfect will of His Heavenly Father.
He trusted the headship of God in His
life; the one who teaches all of us men, through His Word, how to be gentlemen.
During His life on earth, Jesus cared for
the sick, He served others, He never stopped learning, He was the epitome of
wisdom, He respected women and even protected the ones that society deemed
"worthless", He knew how to communicate well, He was considerate, He
was humble, He was strong (imagine going through what He did and not retaliate
in anger or violence), He was very confident, He was the definition of
integrity throughout His life, He loved deeply, and He was a great leader. Jesus is the best gentleman to look up to and
aspire to become because He is the only man to live without fault. Even the noble knights of old served a king;
and there is no better king to serve than Jesus, the King of Kings. When a man chooses to begin to love Jesus,
Jesus can then begin to change him into the "perfect" gentleman. All of the qualities of a gentleman can flow
freely from a humble heart that loves Jesus.
