Perfect Love

I found a quote that really hit me the other morning...

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

As I looked up the authors quote I came across a woman's thoughts on the quote and I thought they were great and spot on.  I want to share them with you all because I think this is definitely a problem growing today and also to share my "two cents" on the topic.  

"Everyone has different opinions about what love is, what a perfect lover is, or what constitutes a good relationship. The reality is, there is no perfect human being, which is why I believe there is no such thing as a perfect lover. However, I believe there is such a thing as a perfect love, but most people never experience it because they are too busy trying to find or create the “perfect lover,” and as result, they end up being disappointed over and over.

Often times we try to change the people that we have relationships with, and that makes things worse because most people don’t want to be changed or controlled. As much as we like to think we can change people, the truth is, we CANNOT change anyone. We can only change ourselves, and at best we may inspire others to WANT to change themselves.

So I thought about this and asked myself, how can we inspire people to WANT to change (particularly the person you are in a relationship with)? And I realized that the single most important thing is to make the person FEEL like they are part of something bigger than the both of you and that they try doing it for the collective good. It’s something that is going to bring them happiness as much as it will bring others happiness.

So what is something that is bigger than the two lovers that they have in common? Well, I believe it’s the LOVE they share. That mutual love is most likely what brought them together in the first place, and it’s what keeps most couples together despite their differences.

Now that we have identified this powerful thing that these lovers share, which is their love for each other, then why not use that to create a better, stronger, happier, and more lasting relationship?

I believe couples can create the perfect love, and if they make THAT their focus and their common goal, then they will experience greater happiness and have a better, lasting relationship.

Note: the key word here is “CREATE” which implies that there needs to be ACTION taken; there needs to be an EFFORT made by both parties in order to get the desired result. Don’t think of the “perfect love” as just an idea, a fantasy, or an impossible thing that many people just dream of. And even if you believe it’s possible; don’t think of it as something that just happens because two people love each other. Rather think of it as a goal that is achievable, but that requires WORK. Just like anything else in life, you have to work on your relationships in order for them to be successful. But most people are not willing to do that, and they are caught up in trying to find the perfect lover, rather than creating the perfect love.

Love, in its essence, is already perfect. But since everybody’s idea of love is different and everyone wants to be loved differently, the love that two lovers share will most likely not be perfect when they come together. However, with patience and consistent effort from both sides, they can create the perfect love. They must learn to act as a team, working together on a common goal. And that goal should be to create a whole new love that is unique to the two of them and that is perfect for the both of them.

The thing that hurts most relationships is selfishness and too much focus on “I”, instead of “we”. When one partner acts selfishly, the other one will most likely do the same, and they end up hurting each other. A team is not created to hurt each other or to take advantage of one another; a team is created to work together, play together, and WIN together. Act like a team and keep your eyes on the prize!

And don’t forget to have good communication with your partner and occasionally remind him or her that you are a team with a common goal: to create the perfect love. And do whatever it takes to sustain that perfect love. Your job is not to compete with each other or to change each other. Your job is to be the best you can be as (individuals and as a team), and to learn from each other, to grow together, and to work together to create something beautiful and meaningful."

I really liked so much of what this woman wrote. It spoke so much to me about how love should look and how a "perfect" relationship can be CREATED together with someone you love.  

I personally would however change/add a few things... 

No person is perfect and therefore no love created will be "perfect" either nor will any relationship. However I think that's almost the point. Only God is perfect and only His love is perfect. Our goal shouldn't simply be the love we share as she said but more importantly on seeking something even greater; God; and having us look to His perfect love to better love each other. It is something we must CHOOSE to do constantly; just like we must choose to love Him constantly. Just as we need to seek God and work on our relationship with Him daily, we need to do the same in our second most intimate relationship after ours with God; with the person we choose to love for life; our spouses. As we choose to seek Him and choose every day to love God and each other, it becomes a lifelong journey of commitment. How awesome is that; the goal to grow together and love each other never ends; which I believe to be such a blessing!  We realize in it that we always need God, each other, grace and love and compassion etc.; the list goes on.

I just can find so many similarities between our relationship with God and how a "perfect relationship" with the person we choose to spend our life with should look like.

The key; no the glue, that holds it all together is our daily commitment to God, to each other, and to His love and striving to make it our love.  God first loved us and His commitment to loving us NEVER ends.  He chooses to love us every single day; no strings attached.  However, the relationship doesn't begin or flourish until we choose to love Him back... a marriage is so similar. You BOTH must choose to love each other, day in and day out; with open hearts; consistently willing to grow and learn and love each other.  

God gave us a "perfect" blueprint on how to have a successful and great relationship for life (see the Bible for reference; preferably every day).  What we need to do now is put in the work to build our "perfect" relationship; while having God as our foundation and guide.

Personally, I'm so unafraid to be committed because of how committed God is to me... 

I pray you guys gain some wisdom from this post, even if you don’t believe in God.  Relationships take a lot of work and we need to get this idea out of our heads that we are the center of the world; that things should just be easy and handed to use on silver platters; and STOP treating spouses like jobs; that if we aren’t happy every day, we can just get a new one.  Life is tough; we aren’t going to be happy all the time.  It’s time to grow up and accept that and also realize that somebody else isn’t going to always be better or have less problems.  We all have issues; it’s time to be courageous, honor the vows of in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish; till death do us part, get our hands “dirty”, and fight for the ones we love by working TOGETHER through our issues rather than running away and ignoring them/each other.

CAN I GET AN AMEN!?   =P

Love you guys, thanks for reading and sorry for the long absence!

-Matthew    =)