Sterility

Sterility, it's not something I thought I would ever need to think about.  The question of whether or not I would be able to have my own children.  As I have learned more about my cancer treatments, specifically the five different chemo drugs that will aid me in fighting off this abnormality in my body, I found out that there is a chance (generally a small one) that I could become temporarily or even permanently sterile from this process.  It's very strange to think about or even digest.  In order to try and protect my ability to father my own children someday, I had to go to a fertility center today; also a very weird thing.  To be honest I was not looking forward to it.  It's pretty awkward to have to do and also something that isn't cheap.  Thankfully my parents are paying for it for me which I greatly appreciate.  The good news is, is that I now have some strong little "soldiers" cryogenically frozen for the next year in the horrible event that I do become sterile after chemo.  If I do, then I will have to pay to keep my "little men" frozen until the day comes when I get married and my future wife and I decide to have children, but for now it is just a precaution that I hope will not need to become something long-term.  I gotta say I am a little nervous, but I have faith that everything will be okay in that department.

Tomorrow I begin my chemo treatments.  I gotta be honest and say I am getting pretty nervous.  I don't think it has really started to hit me until now because I have already felt sick for months.  Praise God because He has blessed me with feeling a real peace about all of this cancer business; but tonight I can feel the fear creeping in.  Tonight, I am scared for the first time since finding out I had cancer.  I am nervous about all these drugs going into my body and how they are going to affect me; but I am doing my best to stay positive and remind myself that God has me in His loving hands.  My Mom also flew in today and my cousin Melissa who is a nurse is also staying the night tonight and both of them will be going with me and my Pop-pop (for those of you who don't know, a Pop-pop would be my grandfather on my mother's side lol).  That brings me some comfort and also knowing that I have all of you out there thinking about me and praying for me is very encouraging.  I know I have a lot of people out there who love me and who are there for me and I appreciate every single one of you.  I officially want to say THANK YOU!  Your kind and caring hearts are truly touching my heart and my spirit.

I have to arrive at Johns Hopkins hospital at 7am tomorrow for a bunch of lab work.  At around 8:45am I will be attending a chemo class and at 10am I will be meeting with my nurse to begin treatment.  As this is my first time being administered the drugs, I will be in the hospital for another 6-7 hours so they can monitor me and see how my body reacts to each separate drug... not looking forward to it at all.  I will be bringing a book; hopefully I will be able to read it or maybe I will just try and sleep if they let me.

My Nanny's friend (for those of you who don't what a Nanny is, that would be my grandmother on my mother's side of the family =P) gave her a few great Bible verses for me that have been pretty great these past few days.

"He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases." - Psalm 103:3

"O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone!" - Jeremiah 17:14 

"I will give you back your health and heal your wounds,” says the Lord." - Jeremiah 30:17a

"My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body." - Proverbs 4:20-22 

I know the Lord has me and He will take care of me; He knows I am strong and my spirit and heart and body can take this.  These trials will only make me stronger; they will teach me and once I beat this thing it will have made my faith even stronger!  I may be weak now, but in my weakness I will find strength, for my God is with me!  Hallelujah!

Until next time, God Bless all of you and I pray you all feel just how loved you are; by your family, by your friends, by your spouse if you have one, and by our Heavenly Father up above.

Love,

-Matthew  =)

Today's Songs of the Day:

Hillsong United - Like An Avalanche (I literally have been listening to this over 20 times the past two days; I just love it... it's so peaceful and powerful at the same time!)

Gym Class Hereos ft. Ryan Tedder - The Fighter (this song is not a Christian song and I don't really listen to "secular" music these days so excuse the language, but this song just pumps me up and fits my attitude tonight... I am a FIGHTER, and I won't back down, I WILL beat this cancer!)