Cancer Update (9 days into chemo)

A lot has been on my mind lately and I had originally planned to write more than just an update on how I am doing, however I realized that I am just gonna need to make it into two separate blog posts; so since I can't sleep this morning, I decided to at least give you all an update on how things have been since my first round of chemotherapy.

It's been a little over a week now since I had my first cycle of chemo and it has been a lot of ups and downs.  To put simply how I have been feeling; I can almost describe it in just one word: POLLUTED!

Okay, so let's backtrack back to last Friday; the day of my first chemo treatment.  It didn't start off very well.  My Mom, Pop-pop, and cousin Melissa and I all woke up early and got to the hospital around 6:45am and within 30 minutes I was getting blood work done.  Before each chemo session and also in-between treatments I need to have blood work done; before each treatment so that they can make my "chemo cocktails" appropriately and for in-between treatments to check all my levels so they can see how my kidneys are handling things, how my immune system (white & red blood cells) is handling stuff and electrolyte levels etc.  Anyways, so I am getting blood work done and all of a sudden I start to feel kinda funny, my chest got really hot, I felt light-headed, my vision went black, and my hearing started to go.  I felt like I was going to faint... and let me tell you, I hate this feeling.  It's very foreign and strange to me.  Before this year, I had NEVER experienced this.  I have donated blood a bunch of times and have never had any issues in the past whenever I needed to do blood work with a physical.  Yet this year, I have experienced this 3 times; I blame the cancer lol.  It really stinks, although I kept calm as the nurses swarmed around me to make sure I was still conscious, knew who I was and where I was at. I simply was saying to them; "hey ladies, I feel a little weird" and described what I was experiencing.  Apparently in that moment my blood pressure had suddenly dropped from 126/78 to around 84/40... not a good thing.  Needles and blood have never made me feel weird before so I am gonna chalk it up to being so low in weight right now, nerves, and maybe not having a big enough breakfast.  My cousin explained to me that I probably experienced something called a "vasovagal response".  After laying down and drinking some water and juice I was all good again and went to my chemo info class that started around 9am.  Basically for about an hour they told me about what I could expect to experience while receiving treatment and a bunch of info pertaining to possible side effects of chemo and what to do if I experience certain things and gave me things to do to help keep me not depressed and what not.  To be honest, I don't really wanna get into it because it's just stuff that isn't too much fun to think about/talk about but it was good to get myself informed and all very important information to know.  I started to receive my actual chemo treatment around 11am; as it takes the nurses and pharmacists a few hours to get the blood work and formulate the "chemo cocktail".  This lasted for about 7 hours as we didn't leave the hospital until 6pm.  I didn't really experience anything too crazy and they made sure to give me drugs to sort of prevent certain reactions from happening; I can't remember all the drugs they gave me but I know I took some benadryl lol.  The chemo that I am receiving is called R-CHOP and each letter stands for a different drug they are giving me.

This link gives you the name of each drug and you can click on each drug name to learn more about what each one does:  R-CHOP - National Cancer Institute

I slept, ate, and pee'd (A LOT lol) during the first cycle of treatment.  It's pretty weird being connected to one of those electronic IV units and trying to roll it around and go to the bathroom.  During the treatment (well and almost everyday) all of this gives me a strange surreal feeling that you kind of can't believe it's happening; like you see it on TV and movies and stuff and never think it will happen to you, but at the same time I am just "rolling with the punches" and allowing God to just be present during all of this.

I did get some interesting news from my doctor.  When I had my biopsy surgery in CT they told me that I had Large B-Cell Lymphoma which was later better described to me at Johns Hopkins as being called Primary Mediastinal Large B-cell Lymphoma, that it was Non-Hodgkin type and consisted of mutated B-Cell lymphocytes.  I was told that my cancer is pretty rare; that it accounts for around 3% of Non-Hodgkin type lymphoma tumors and that most Non-Hodgkin lymphomas don't start in the mediastinal area.  To make things even more interesting, after Johns Hopkins did their pathology tests of my tumor sample, they found traces of Hodgkin type as well which apparently is "unheard of" and that my cancer is extremely rare.  I gave them permission to study it all they want haha.  I feel like it suits me though; I have never really been "normal", just a big goof ball having an over abundance of energy, craziness, affection, and love.  A rare, special and unique cancer for the same type of person; that's how I look at it!  =)

I was feeling pretty good after the treatment and was hungry all day throughout it so naturally I wanted to eat after and we got some Chinese and had some laughs; and that's when the nausea first hit me.  Luckily I had my plethora of drugs that have been prescribed to me during all of this with me (see picture below), took a pill and felt better once I got home a laid down...

...Alright, so I am realizing that I am writing you all a book and giving you all "play by plays" which aren't really needed  =P

I will attempt to summarize the days and get back to what I meant when I said I felt "polluted".

Each day has been different, some days are okay and I feel just weak and tired.  Other days I feel really nauseous but thank God for no vomiting!  There was one day that I just felt like dying, I was nauseous, had a a headache all day (like my head was in a vice grip), and my body felt like it had been run over by a truck; lots of constant dull pain and random moments of sharp quick pain in my sides, back and chest.  Everyday so far I feel weak and tired and just strange and not myself and I feel lightheaded a lot; especially when I get up from laying down.  I don't sleep very well and get up in the middle of the night often to pee.  I was trying to explain it to my Mom what it's like and I just feel polluted; I feel so toxic from all the drugs and some days I do kind of feel like my body is slowly dying.  I know it's just the drugs though (since they are not only killing cancer cells, but also my good cells), there are just so many and I never liked to take drugs before this so it's uncomfortable for me but I know need to do what the doctors tell me to do.

Some days I just feel useless... I might be a guy who is comfortable showing his feelings but I am not someone who handles being physically impaired very well.  I want to go running or ride a bike or go to the gym or just drive and see people/places; but I literally can't.  It's hard to get used to, but I am doing my best to just take each day ONE AT A TIME and allow God's grace to hit me.

I needed to go to the hospital again on Friday because my blood pressure was pretty low one night and had a headache that lasted for two days.  They thought I was dehydrated even though I am drinking TONS of water.  The IV of fluids I received was apparently exactly what I needed.  I immediately felt better after and have been feeling pretty good the past few days.  They needed to do blood work again which went better than last time but the nurse said she couldn't get blood to come out (apparently from my dehydration) and kept moving the needle around inside my vein... not fun lol.  However, the results were very positive!  Almost all my levels were still in normal ranges  =)

I gotta be honest and say it is hard to be at the hospital, I kind of dread going; not just because of what I am going through but there are SO many other people going through it as well and some of them are doing much worse than I am.  It just breaks my heart, I want to do something for them.  It's so sad but I decided I am going to bring brownies next time for everyone in the chemo room. The other day when I was there for the IV of fluids, I met a woman, in her late 20s I think, whose mother was in there and we talked a bit and she had been given chocolate cake as gift from a friend of hers who worked in the hospital to give to the people receiving treatment and I gotta say, it was really nice.  It was a way to bring a smile in such a depressing place.  Also on the bright side, all the nurses like me =P.  I'm someone who has issues thinking highly of myself and am someone who will never be "cocky" but they all said they love my attitude and upbeat nature during all of this and when I came back they were all like "Hey Matthew!".  It is such a good feeling to know I am brightening up someone's day, they definitely did the same to mine.  Of course, all the nurses got a hug before I left and I thanked them all; I'm telling you guys, hugs are awesome... do it more to one another!  =)

God is definitely blessing me and shining His light throughout this and oh how I need it.  I need Him everyday.  He is keeping my head level as I am learning to just trust Him in all of this.

GOD IS GOOD, ALWAYS!  

Alright, my butt is numb now from sitting for so long and I need to eat some breakfast and get ready for church.

I pray you all have a great day today and I challenge each of you to show some love to someone you haven't in awhile or even just hug a complete stranger; you might just make their day!  =)

God Bless you all

Love,

-Matthew

Today's Songs:
I have been listening to a ton of Britt Nicole all week...

Really digging these two specifically:
Britt Nicole - The Lost Get Found
Britt Nicole feat. Lecrae - Ready or Not

AND...

Justin Bieber - As Long As You Love Me
^yeah, can't get enough of this jam right now; judge away but like the blog title says, I am a "Hopeful Romantic"  ;-)